What I Lost
by Moon Blossom1
Summary: Have you ever felt like dieing for giving something wonderful, like love. up? I have...


Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon Naoko Takeuchi and other companies   
do.  
  
What I Lost…  
  
I watch with a scowl as the black coffin holding my departed wife is lowered   
into the earth. The day seems bleak and dull not a bird singing their sweet   
tunes as the sky is smothered with grey clouds. There is weeping all around   
me for my lost wife, Neo-Queen of Crystal Tokyo. I do not shed a tear for   
my queen, I will not. She was an attractive and fair ruler with a gentle hold on   
her people. Soft enough to have them happy but hard enough to keep them   
where she wanted them, safe. My scowl deepens marring my face at the   
memory of the cause of her death. I had found her in a heated embrace with   
her lover I had killed him in my blind rage. With in the next moment she had   
taken up my sword and run herself through with a triumphant smile on her   
face she fell to the floor victorious in her eyes, but in mine traitorous. I had   
given everything up for her, everything. The many people that I cherished   
and held dear. Yes our marriage held no passion or love. We shared the same   
bed for duties sake and yet she never did produce an heir. In a way this had   
brought me sadness as well as happiness for a child not to be brought up in   
my once fake marriage. I drop the dirt I hold in my hand onto the coffin   
watching it fall onto her casket emotionless as I move away others soon   
follow me and drop dirt on her resting place also. The funeral service goes by   
in a flash and I soon find my self-wandering away from her grave. My close   
friends and guardians understand that I need time, but they don't know. No   
they don't know I never told them about our unsuccessful union. The world   
saw us as the perfect couple created in heaven I glower at this thought, there   
was only one woman I could and would ever love. But I had been the   
'honorable' man I was and pushed her away for duties sake, that one thought   
still causes me pain now. The remembrance of her beautiful face twisted in   
hurt as she watched me walk away. As I had turned the corner then I had   
heard her whimpers I had witnessed her tears. I had collapsed against the   
wall and listened to her cry until she had left. I had pounded my fists into the   
ground to release the rage that was churning in my mind and heart, my soul.   
Never in my life had I hated my crown, my birthright as much as I did then. I   
look up to find that I have walked to the front of the cemetery into a garden.   
The garden is stunning with a light streaking through the clouds. I look down   
at the back of my hands to see the scars from that darkened moment so long   
ago, that is when I realize I have bumped into something, no wait someone. I   
look down to see a little girl in a blue dress.  
  
"Are you alright little one?" I ask concerned for her well being as I kneel down   
in front of her.  
  
She looks up at me and my breathing catches. She has big bright blue eyes   
and black curly hair. She has a little nose and a cute little mouth turned into a   
pout. I now knew she was going to be a goddess when she grew up. She   
reminds me of someone but I just can't put my finger on it.  
  
"Yep." She murmurs her voice sweet as she cocks her head to the side and   
examines me. No sign of realization or recognition crosses her face.  
  
I give her a friendly smile. I have no idea how this little girl has no idea as to   
who I am. After all I am the King of the earth, not meaning to boast. Well her   
parents mustn't let her watch TV that much.  
  
"We're are your parents?" I frown looking around for any sign of an adult that   
resembles her. No, no one.  
  
Tears fill her eyes as her pout deepens and her bottom lip quivers. "I don't   
now." She whispers as she fidgets with her dress. She looks the age of 5 or 6.  
  
I give her a reassuring smile. "Well why don't I help you look for them?" I ask   
softly not wanting to upset her further.   
  
She looks up at me and beams. Her smile is pretty with her eyes alight. "You   
will help me?" She squeaks as she sits on her knees.  
  
"Sure." I smile as I nod my head to prove my point.  
  
"Thank you." She squeals as she launches her small body into my arms.  
  
For some strange reason I hug her instantly as a feeling of peace and   
comfort washes over me. The small innocent embrace turns such emotions in   
me I find it unbelievable.  
  
"Well then lets get going." She chirps as she cuddles in my arms.  
  
I chuckle to my self as I turn around and look for people. I walk to a crowd of   
people. "So what's your name?" I ask casually.  
  
"Charm." She replies happily in my arms.  
  
"That's a pretty name." I smile as a pink hue stains her cheeks. "Why is your   
name Charm?" I ask starting up light conversation to relax her.  
  
"Mommy said that I'm hers and Daddy's lucky Charm. So that is why my   
name is Charm." She explains gleefully.  
  
"Interesting." I comment as I look down on her she is adorable. The exact   
likeness of the daughter I was supposed to have the daughter I would want.   
That thought brought me pain so I ruthlessly shove it aside as her voice   
brings me out of my reminiscence.  
  
"What's your name?" She asks as curious as a bunny.  
  
"Well my name's Endymion but you can call me Darien." I grin at her.  
  
"Okay Dari, Darien." She twitters as she has trouble saying my name.  
  
"So what do your mommy and daddy look like?" I ask trying to get her safely   
and swiftly back to her parents.  
  
"Well my mommy is really pretty and my daddy is really pretty too." She   
smiles cheerfully as she bounces up and down in my embrace.  
  
"Really?" I chuckle at the mention of her daddy being pretty too.  
  
She bobs her head up and down positively. "Yep." She sings.  
  
"Okay then I can't disagree with that." I sigh. "So what do your Mom and Dad   
look like?" I question.  
  
"Daddy is really big has hair like mine and eyes like yours." She elucidates.  
  
Okay so I'm looking for a man that looks like me when I was 20. "Okay how   
about your Mom?" I question as I keep walking.  
  
She smiles with my question. "Mommy has nice long hair. The color like…"   
She trails off as her eyes widen and she jumps out of my arms.  
  
I don't understand where she is going or why but I follow her either way.  
  
"Mommy!" I hear her call as she runs out of my view.  
  
I have no idea how she could see her mother all the way over there but I trail   
her anyway. Finally I come into view of Charm to be shocked right down to   
my soul. I am now seeing the one woman I thought that I would never again   
see. She had become the Queen of the Moon and married a star prince. I   
watch in silent awe as she looks at Charm she hasn't noticed me yet. Her   
face is scrunched up with worry but when her eyes land on Charm her face is   
serene and calm, just like her name. And there in this small and to be forever   
cherished moment is the exact person I had fallen in love with a lifetime and   
years ago. The same angel that I turned away because the people of earth   
thought it would be better for me to marry the prestigious princess of the   
sun. She is even more beautiful then I remembered. Her hair is as spun   
golden silk woven into her meatballs. Her eyes are a vibrant bright blue with   
a glow of sleek silver, her face with the same nose and alluring lips. I groan at   
the memory of her taste, strawberries. I continue to stare at her burning her   
image into my memory. She is everything I have loved and would ever love,   
yet can never have because of my own faults. I couldn't believe this situation   
my goddess and the woman I loved and still love stood a few feet away from   
me, she; my Meatball head, my little bunny, and my Serena, who was now   
Queen Serenity.  
  
"Mommy!" Charm cries as she runs to her and is scooped up into her arms.  
  
She's her daughter. But of course only dear Serenity could give birth to a   
child that could warm my heart at one glance. I weakly smile ruefully.  
  
I continue to watch in quietness as Serenity looks down at her daughter. "Oh   
baby, don't do that again." She cries as she clutches her child in her arms.  
  
Her voice is as sweet as honey and as gentle as butterfly wings with a   
worried edge as cutting as the keenest sword. I smile to myself she could   
always manage to make a poet out of me while I was in her presence.  
  
"I'm sorry Mommy." Charm cries also trying to calm her mother.  
  
"Promise me Charm, promise me you won't run off again." Serenity begs her   
baby girl with a pain in her eyes of loss.  
  
I can tell she really loves Charm. But of course I muse sadly. I already love   
the little girl and I don't know her that well nor is she mine to love.   
  
"I promise Mommy I promise." Charm sobs in her Mothers arms.  
  
It was obvious even to me that she meant what she had said. But I knew that   
Serena was really protective of her children like she was of Rini. That brought   
me another stab of pain to my heart, sweet innocent and courageous Rini. I   
lock those thoughts away in the back of my mind. I would torture myself   
later but not now.   
  
"Sweetie I'm sorry. It's just when you were gone I thought I had lost you. I   
didn't, I didn't…" The Moon Queen cries as she clutches her daughter closer.  
  
I know how she feels. I had lost her and my daughter with one sentence,   
which I still agonizingly remember. 'I don't love you Serena I never did and   
never will so just face it and leave me alone.' I curse that damnable sentence   
every day I wake up alone, with out her or my child. My child.  
  
"It's alright Mommy please don't cry I'm okay. A nice man helped me." Charm   
clarifies.  
  
With her words I take a step back into the shadows of the bushes. I couldn't   
face Serena now, not ever. I wouldn't be able to face her beautiful and angelic   
face all the while knowing that at night she slept in the arms of another or   
our child I mean her child was never mine in the first place. I wouldn't be able   
to see her smile with her mouth that I love so much and know she used during   
her moments of passion with her beloved husband. Oh how I envy the man   
that I have never met. Facing her and knowing all of this was unacceptable to   
my weak heart and mind, I feel my soul quiver in fear. So I hide in the   
shadows. I the mighty King of Earth am hidding in the shadows as I continue   
to watch her.  
  
"What man honey?" Serenity or Serena asks the small child as she wipes her   
tears away.  
  
"The man over…" Charm turns around to look at the place I once stood. "He's   
gone Mommy." She frowns in confusion as her little eyebrows knit together.  
  
I inwardly chuckle. Just like her mother she looks cute when she is confused.   
She probably looks adorable when she is angered too.  
  
"Well honey what was his name so your father and I can go thank him."   
Serenity asks as she wipes Charm's tears away also.  
  
Oh no that I can't handle. I have to get out of here. I look around for a safe   
way of retreat but realize if I move I would be seen I sigh in frustration and   
stay in my place.  
  
"His name was um yeah it was Darien." Charm replied smiling.  
  
Serena's dazzling face pales to the color of the glow of the moon. I watch in   
anxiety as she bites her lush bottom lip. A habit she has always had when   
she is nervous.  
  
"Are you sure darling?" The Queen asks wanting to make certainty.  
  
"Yep Mommy. He said I could call him Darien but his real name was Endymin,   
Endyion." The raven-haired child answers trying to get my name right.  
  
"Endymion." The Moon Ruler corrects in a small whisper that I had strained to   
hear.  
  
How I always loved to here my name roll of her tongue. My name passing her   
lips how it would set me on fire as it is doing now.  
  
"How did you know Mommy?" The small princess of the Moon asks.  
  
I have to face reality with this thought. 'Moon Princess.' Charm is not my   
daughter and she never was. But subconsciously in the depths of my self I   
know that I had silently been referring to her as my daughter. But no she   
isn't she is the daughter of the Star Prince that still is nameless to me.  
  
Serenity gave a weak smile to her child. "I'm the Queen of the Moon darling I   
know everything." Serena smiles while she jokes with the little moon maiden.  
  
"Really?" Charm inquires.  
  
"Yep." Serena smiles almightily.  
  
"Then do you know where Daddy is?" Charm asks as she waits for her   
mothers reply.  
  
Yeah I decide right now Charm is one smart child. I have to see Serena reply   
to this. But I also really want to know who this man is. The man that is my   
bunny's husband and Charm's father, the Star prince now King of the Moon.   
Serena pauses and looks sheepish for a moment. This is really hilarious if I   
weren't in hiding and having to remain quiet I would laugh out loud. The ever   
calming and witty Queen Serenity of the Moon is stumped and by her very   
own daughter. Smart Princess.  
  
"Uh Honey I think your Daddy is…" Serena trails off as she looks around.  
  
I smile amusedly this is priceless. I'm glad I walked into that garden.  
  
"Did I here someone call my name?" A masculine voice asks as the King of the   
Moon walks into the clearing the sailor scouts trailing behind him with two   
other men.  
  
I watch remorsefully as Charm's eyes light up. "Daddy." She squeals as she   
jumps from Serenity's arms and scurries across the field jumping into her   
father's arms.  
  
"I see someone missed me." He jokes as he kisses the forehead of the small   
raven-haired moon maiden and princess, his daughter, Charm.  
  
I look the man over. He is everything a Moon King should be. He is well built   
and is probably around the same height as me. He has long straight coal   
black hair that is currently tied into a ponytail. His eyes are Deep Ocean blue   
and filled with love as he glances down at his daughter then smiles tenderly   
and lovingly at his queen. I feel anger, hatred and rage well within me. Not   
directed to the Moon King it wasn't his fault he too had fallen for the moon   
goddess and made her happy. It was my fault, it was my fault that I couldn't   
make her happy and comfort her while she cried. It wasn't the King's fault   
that I couldn't share passion with her or her children. It wasn't The Star   
Prince's fault that I couldn't kiss Serena my Bunny or love her. It was my own   
fault, my very own fault that I couldn't love her or be loved by her in return.   
My own damnable fault. I hate myself.  
  
"Hey I missed you too." Serenity, the Moon angel pouts in mock hurt as she   
folds her arms over her round chest.  
  
The Moon King chuckles as he shakes his head. I would probably chuckle to if   
I was in his position but I'm not. She missed him I wonder if she misses me? I   
feel a sting in my eyes as he walks over to Serenity and wraps his arm   
around her waist with Charm nestled safely and comfortably in his other   
arm. A happy little family.  
  
"Come now Serenity it is time to leave love." He smiles as they walk back   
toward the way the King had entered earlier.  
  
"Good it is about time darling." She smiles beautifully. "Seiya I'm hungry." She   
whines as he chuckles along with their guardians.  
  
So his name is Seiya. I know I will never forget that name along with Charm   
and Serenity. Those three names are now permanently stained in my mind.  
  
'Good Bye Darien.' Echoes in my head in the sweet voice of my one true love.  
  
I snap my head up and look to where my love once stood. I have never heard   
her say good bye to me before. It was always a 'see you later' or 'see you   
tomorrow' or a kiss. I have never received a good bye form her. I now realize   
that it was a real good-bye I would only probably see her at royal functions.   
Only talk to her as Neo-King Endymion of Earth never just Darien. I currently   
realize I have just been granted the wish I had secretly wished since I lost   
Serena. I have wanted to know what it was that I lost that day I shunned her. I   
had lost the chance of forever gladness and contentment with my love and   
child. For Eternity and bitter Infinity I now know I passed the chance up for   
being at peace. The thought and realization of exactly what I have lost pricks   
my eyes and stings my heart, happiness. Now I see as the tears escape my   
eyes I was better of not knowing what I lost.  
  
*The End*  
  
And no there will not be a sequel or any other chapter for this story, so   
tough. Any way I just hope that the point of view was right coming from the   
perspective of a man/male and I being a girl. I just wanted to write this and   
tell everyone that love should always come before duty and never the other   
way around. And a life with out risks is not a life at all. Raina Jane Sadler…  
  
Some say love, it is a river  
That drowns the tender reed,  
Some say love, it is a razor  
That leaves your soul to bleed,  
Some say love, it is a hunger  
An endless aching need,  
I say love, it is a flower  
And you, its only seed.  
  
It's the heart afraid of breaking  
That never takes a chance,  
It's the dream afraid of waking  
That never learns to dance,  
It's the one who won't be taken  
Who cannot seem to give,  
And the soul afraid of dying  
That never learns to live.  
  
When the night has been too lonely  
And the road has been too long,  
And you think that love is only  
For the lucky and the strong,  
Just remember in the winter  
Far beneath the bitter snows,  
Lies a seed that with the sun's love  
In the spring, becomes the rose. ©  
  
By Amanda McBroom an others… 


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